by Brad Benedict
BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA
Carla's Coffin Caper
Carla is an unusual lady but one who possesses the most radiant and outgoing personality of anyone I know. On this particular day, she fought the road repair gangs to make her way to Christina's for breakfast. She needed to relax a while before heading for the funeral home and church for a final visit with a deceased friend.
After finishing her breakfast biscuit, she discovered she had left her hanky at home, so she carefully tucked her napkin between her boobies and headed to the viewing. She was alone at the time and walked forward with all the dignity you would expect at this sad occasion. Overcome with grief, she retrieved the hanky to wipe away a tear when to her horror, out flew a piece of biscuit into the casket.
Try as she may, she was so taken aback that she couldn't function properly. She looked and looked and looked and failed to find the piece of biscuit. Besides knowing what had happened, she realized she had to get away quickly. As she was leaving, our George's gentleman and scholar Richard was driving by on his way to work and stopped to speak to friend Carla.
You can imagine his surprise to find her in such a bewildered condition, so he invited her to settle down with him for a quiet breakfast at Christina's. They made their way through the road hazards surrounding the diner, went inside, and placed their order.
Carla ordered another biscuit.
Mina's Mighty Moment
Mina, that Knights d'Orleans babe, and her entourage stopped by LaPaniche on a recent Sat. to have a quiet mid-afternoon snack. They were all having a great time when in walked a dude in leather pants and a leather vest containing all sorts of medals and the leather emblem emblazoned on the back.
A note of horror went through the group. Mina immediately approached the man and asked him where he got the vest. I bought it was his reply. And where did you get all those medals, she responded. I bought them too was his reply. Oh, no you didn't she responded. You have to earn those, and besides I know who owns that vest.
With that, the dude ran. Mina's brigade pursued. Those girls tackled the guy, wrestled the vest off him, went for the pants (which they figured to be stolen also), but he managed to get loose and run for his life.
The conclusion of this story is that Lord King Gregory got his vest back, which had been stolen from his truck parked on the street at the krewe's den. Besides being a happy camper, the moral of the story goes like this. Don't mess with Mina. She knows her stuff, and if you steal, you better know what you're doing or you just might lose your pants in the process.
Thanks, sweetie, to you and your friends. You did good!
Lettin' Lords Loose
While the Lords were meeting in the den and Gregory's truck was being vandalized, a group of Baton Rougeans were taking in their first full meeting. Several had been invited to join the group at Bill and Bill's fabulous event last month, and more entered this realm of mighty men May 15. The highlight of the afternoon was the vote for the new Lord and Consort who will take the group into the next century. These honors will be announced at next month's meeting. Stay tuned for the results when they are made public.
Birthday boy Timm was honored with a cake and a lick or two, paddlewise, that is, and another birthday boy, the BC one, was mentioned since his day was coming up prior to the end of the month. In fact, you can bet on a good outing here in BR when his friends get together to celebrate with him. John, darling, I hope you take advantage of the book baron's gift. I hear it was a very thoughtful addition to your supply cabinet. I also heard that Leonard has a goodie for you too, and Sam will do his thing in fine fashion as will TTT and a few others.
Get ready for a fun time. Watch out, Roo. The leather guys are loose in Red Stick.
Travis Trekin'
At this point, I have to talk a little about a very beautiful young man. Most of you know him as Travis Wade, star of screen and bar fame. That may not sound exactly like a glorious explanation, but I mean it in the best of descriptive fashion. I'd seen Travis before while visiting Oz, but I hadn't really talked or interviewed him. That time came when he was in Baton Rouge to dance at George's.
I've interviewed a number of stars, and believe me, there are regular stars, wanna-be stars, has-been stars, and the upper class of this group, the super stars. Travis is a super star. His movies are some of the best out right now, and he told me he had just completed one and was about to head out to California to do another one.
He's one of the most personable guys out there now, and if you haven't seen him in person or on screen, I suggest you do so immediately. I guess Todd Stevens was my favorite interview subject before I met Travis, but now Travis joins him as a super star. You see, it takes more than a film to do this for anyone. There are idols out there who are no more that passing fancys for the flickhounds. These idols come and go and don't even realize that just a little personality plus can take you to the heights of stardom and keep you there as is the case with Jeff Stryker.
Stevens knew this, and now Travis Wade moves into this select group. I think Christian Fox was among this select group too. He had that humanistic quality that it takes to be a success, and I mourned with others at his passing. However, when a guy comes along who can conduct himself with respect and at the same time share his body of perfection with adoring fans, you have a winner in my book any day of the week.
I congratulate Travis on his winning ways, and I encourage all of you to take a look at his movies. Superstars don't come along too often, especially those who like and are able to wear "the cage." Thanks, Travis. You are terrific in all respects.
Diva Dishes
With the end of an era and the passing of the Time Zone into history, Mac's Bar has now become Mac's Bar and Grill. Opening day saw Danae Daniels, Shelby Babin, and Dominque Saylor serving up fine dishes to customers at this Main St. location.
These diva dishes are available for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and if you haven't experienced the magic of Mother Bob's folks, you just haven't lived. Your plates will runneth over with goodness, and you taste buds will savor delicacies few others can produce. And in addition to this, you have great service at reasonable prices. You just can't go wrong with that menu. Be sure to check them out.
Grill hours are 6pm to 10pm (Mon., Tues., and Wed.), 24-hour service (Thurs., Fri., and Sat.), and Sun., noon to midnight. Wake up, Baton Rouge. Get on over and support this new endeavor. They can't do it alone, and we need this in the downtown area. Make like little bunnies and hop on over.
Miscellaneous Musings
The Capital City Royal Order of Unicorn Benefit Show at the Hide-A-Way will take place while Ambush is going to press, but you better know I'll be there to cover the event, especially since that cute little Kevin will be there. He's King ROU, the first, and I might add, he's the finest of the fine. And he makes everyone happy, especially his leather partner, Elmer.
It's always a privilege to help out with a little publicity when events take place at local haunts. And it's definitely a pleasure when I can do this in out-of-town locations, usually when I'm judging different events. That's why I wrote so much in the last issue about my visits to Lafayette and Lake Charles. So many people in the Gay community are overlooked, and a picture and a kind word is always a positive point for the Gay and Lesbian population. It only helps to promote good will among a community of wonderful people who normally get no positive mention anywhere. My only regret is that I can't be everywhere all the time. It is never my intention to leave anyone out, and I'm always willing to try to make the scene if at all possible.
I had to bow out of the judging of the Miss Gay New Orleans pageant last week. I just couldn't fit it into my schedule. New Orleans, like Lafayette, has so many places to visit and events to cover that it is a job for more than one person. I do appreciate the invitation from Rick to be a judge. Keep me in mind for other things. I'm always willing to help if I can.
I stopped in at Bogart's last week and found my buddy Paul taking care of customers. This man has always been one of my favorite people in the whole world. We've spent many nights together, and I cherish those times. (Sorry, Michael, but that was before your time!) Any visit to Bogart's is good. They have great drink specials, a beautiful setting for relaxation, and bunches of good people. What more could you ask for?
Hibiscus Bookstore just got better. That line of new jewelry has really gone over well, and their prices are not outrageous. The book baron has always priced his merchandise well below the normal range of pricings. Without mentioning other higher priced places, let's just say that it would be to your best pocketbook advantage to check them out. When you can pay cash for a building, you can afford to pass along savings to customers. Satisfaction is what it's all about.
A broken wrist, use-loss of two fingers on the other hand, and a few scratches didn't stop the bike boy from showing up at the Lords of Leather meeting or the beer bust the previous night. Ernie was in fine form and didn't miss a beat. That's the fine quality of an excellent leather man.
Apollo's captain for their next bal masque has recovered from that bump on his head, and this is great. Pat is one of the finest men around, and he plans to have one of the finest balls ever. Of course, I hear that balls are his speciality. At any rate, we'll all know come 2000.
This is also the big week for Star Wars fans. The Force is still with us, and we are happy people. Happy Forcing to everyone!
