the big diva
Volume 22/Issue 3/2004

Phyllis Denmark  


by Phyllis Denmark

Well here is the story, and none of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. I started my week by going to Sequins Originals to buy gowns. Because of the upcoming season I needed something new and fabulous. I ended up spending $600 and coming out with three fabu gowns. From there I drove way too many miles to Houston to pick up two new wigs. There is a queen there named Lupe who is famous for doing all the pageant girls. Since I am MCíing the Armenius Ball I just had to have new fabu hair! Again, another $200 spent.

I did have a fun trip. I stayed with my friend Ken Matherne who used to manage Lafitteís. He just made me go out to those Gay bars. We partied at JRís and got to see the famous Koffie, and then ended up at Pacific Beach til they closed. This made my trip home not nearly as fun as my trip there. I hauled ass back to New Orleans the next day with two fabu doís in the backseat. All I need to find now is fabu shoes and jewelry. After my trip I spent the rest of Monday resting.

Tuesday was a typical Ambush Day. The new issue was out and I was out playing in the street and collecting money. Two things I love to do, Kissin Butts and Collecting Cash! Uncle Andy had to go out of town on business so I planned on cooking a nice meal, maybe watching a little TV, and going to bed. BUT NO! I had invited my friend Beau to dine with me and spend the night. He suggested a few beers at Outback.

The next thing I know we are sucking down cocktails at Oz. My chicken was still in the fridge uncooked, and I had to get up the next morning to go to work. I am so easy to corrupt! To make a long story short the dinner was never cooked! We ended up setting up shop at Oz with Victoria Versashe, aka Alvin, and Big Jim. That by itself spells trouble.

We waited for Bling Bling but the thought of that time clock at the funeral home kept calling my name. After too many cocktails Beau and I made the lovely trip to the Westbank. I went to bed and he went trolling online. I have to keep mentioning that Beau is 22 and available.

As I mentioned earlier I am very easy to corrupt. Beau and I worked at the funeral home Thursday til midnight. I had to get up Friday at 5:30am, but the thought of Blanche and calendar boy was too much to resist. So, in our funeral home drag we tipped over to Oz for just one drink. Isnít that always the story, just one! Anyway we twirled around Oz and visited with Blanche, pawed on a few cute boys, and I was still in bed for 1:30am.

I am getting way too old for all this, but I do have to say I was very pleasant at the funeral home after 4 hours of sleep! I know we both looked like men in black, or like a really young and a really old MatriXXX drag! Beware of men in suits in gay bars. It might be the Big Diva in disguise!

Today I woke up with a slight hangover. My oldest nephew Kenneth is getting married today, FOOL! Iím really kidding, everyone should get married once or twice. Straight people are so different than gay people, the whole dating and marrying thing. They have dated for 9 years. I gave them the best advice at Christmas. "He will not change, she will not change, deal with it." I hope after a 9-year courtship that he and Shannon should know what they are getting into.

If they had been gay it would have gone like this: Meet on Monday, move in together Tuesday, picked out china pattern on Wednesday, discuss buying a Russian baby on Thursday, meet the parents Friday, Saturday to the commitment ceremony, Sunday out at Tea Dance telling all your friends why you think it didnít work out!

I do tease but I have known gay courtships that didnít make it past tricking and the first cigarette. Uncle Andy and I have survived 21 years by looking the other way a lot, and accepting the fact that we are both different ó me more than him ó and to love each other for what we are, warts and all. A lot of gay men end up single because theyíre like theyíre straight counter parts; they desire perfection. Well honey, if youíre not perfect donít expect the same from another human being. Damn, I feel like Dear Abby! I always wanted to do an advice column, but a really dirty one. Like "what color shoes go well with a yellow hankie?"

Tomorrow night we will be attending the Mwindo ball. I am very excited. I do hope I can see the ball over all the chaffing dishes. Now, miss thing, you know them black girls do know how to put on a spread. I am planning on tearing the room up with my new hair and a new gown, details later! Just got my invites in the mail for Amon Ra and Satyricon.

Our friend Tom Conners is a member and we just love his hubby Bob. I just canít miss the return of Queen 1 Becky and the crowning of Queen 2 Bianca. Too much excitement.

Itís Monday again! Mwindo was fabulous. They have come a very long way in a short time. This was only their 6th ball. The floor was packed with lots of pretty people.

I was dressed in a fabu orange gown with big red hair, imagine that! The highlight of the night was King and Queen Mwindo as Prince Charming and Cinderella complete with the Queen in a horse drawn carriage. The ball theme was Verses, Rhymes and Fairy Tales. My favorite costume of the night was Terri-Lynn Foxx as the dragon. She came out with fabulous wings and lots of airbrushing. It was fun to see all the krewes represented. Next issue Iíll tell you about the rest of the carnival balls as they happen!

Itís Tuesday and I am getting over last night's party. We went to the New Monday Night Show, Pot Luck Burlesque, starring Barry Bareass and Lisa Beaumann at the Corner Pocket. Featuring special guest, Victoria Versashe, and those hottie Corner Pocket Boys. It was a very refreshing show. Anything with Barry, Drag and half naked boys canít be bad. Check out this must see show!

Fridays is New Meat Nite Amateur Dance Contest with a $100 cash prize at 10pm, and on Saturday nights at 9pm the All Boy Revue with 15 dancers dancin' til dawn!

If youíre getting ready for ball season and need some new accessories check out Miss Claudiaís Vintage Clothing & Costumes, 4202 Magazine St. She has a great selection of cummerbunds and bow ties in great colors and styles from vivid to retro. She also has a great selection of hats, uniforms and disco drag.

I know you girls are not going to want to cook during Mardi Gras and youíre going to need finger food for your tables at the balls. Lakeview Fine Foods, 801 Harrison Ave., has a great deli and catering department for all of your party needs. They also have a fine selection of wines and alcohol for the before, during, and after parties!

Last but not least Mickey Nolanís Salon is now offering manicures, pedicures and massage. Mickey has doubled the size of his salon to add these services. Give him a call at 504.587.7782, or stop in to see the salon. He is also a pro at cuts and color. I know yíall want to look and feel great for Mardi Gras!

Til next time keep gluing and teasing. Mardi Gras is around the corner and we only have one issue left, our super Mardi Gras edition will roll out on Feb. 17. Call me 504.220.6407 for ad info.

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