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by Pam YoungLesbians ... Lovers & Other Strangers
The technology of E-mail has created a new venue for dyke drama: cybersex, cybermarriage, cyber u-hauls. Lesbian chat rooms abound on the internet; in a word, they are boring: same old discussions, same old questions, same old problems. But something else has arisen in cyberspace: extended contact with new and not-so-new lovers that is instantaneous. Gone are the days of snail mail love letters. Here are the days of instant messages, private chat rooms, daily electronic contact. And with all these cyber-possibilities come cyber-crashes: relationship problems, breakups, infidelity "cyber-style."
I find it interesting that we can now sit in front of our computer screens and engage in relationships with someone thousands of miles or across the street away. Who knows to whom we are talking? Who cares? But the irony is not lost when we realize that some people are breaking up long-term relationships in order to be "with" their cyber-lovers.
I have heard of more than one relationship that has been overturned in the electronic media. I can imagine the scenario: Jane has been spending hours on the internet. Mary, at first amused by Jane's new-found computer interests, soon tires of the nightly sessions. One afternoon, while paying bills on their No Check computer payments program, Mary decides to check into this E-mail phenomenon. She logs on, types in a password that she knows Jane is fond of, and hears the message ("you have mail!") as the internet program connects.
Now Mary knows that Jane's mail is private, but she is curious, so she opens the file. And life comes to a screeching halt at 2:30 on a Monday afternoon when Jane's new E-mail partner zaps an instant message to the person on-line whom she thinks is Jane.
"Hey baby, I'm surprised you're on-line so early." The horns of a dilemma! Mary is faced with the ultimate decision: she's invisible to the E-mailer; She's in a stable relationship with Jane; she's curious about the internet; She's been "fingered" by an instant message. Forward or back, forward or Back-or maybe she could just crash the computer.
Let's go forward for the sake of the story. Mary responds, "Hi." Simple enough. Nondescript. "Hi, back. Is that all you have to say after last night's private chat room? I couldn't sleep. I never wanted to leave that private space." Mary: "It was wonderful." Where, oh where, was this leading. "Can we go back there now, for a few minutes"? the E-mailer asked. "Sure," Mary answered, knowing the dye was now cast.
As soon as she entered the private chat room, Mary wished for escape. The E-Mailer's screen name was "Inspiration" and Jane's was "Les-b-jane." The chat room was a plain white box on the screen, but soon the box was being filled with words...words that Mary knew she should not be reading...words that shouldn't exist in the world, at least not between her lover and another. "Are you with me?" Inspiration inquired. "Yes, I'm right here next to you," Mary (alias Les-b-jane) replied. "Good. Listen to what has been in my mind since last night."
With that, Inspiration began to detail the cybersex that had obviously occupied the two cyber-lovers the evening before-graphic, sensuous, even hard core. Mary was in way over her head. And her heart was pounding. She was guilty of trespassing; but she was also guilty of another crime: curiosity. As Inspiration's message continued to scroll down the screen in front of her eyes, Mary realized that she had no strategies for dealing with this new knowledge. In a way, it was infidelity; in another way, it was just play. It was painful; it was erotic. It was a big mess.
Soon, Inspiration began asking for a response. Mary beat around the bush; talked about how eloquent the words were, how beautiful, how exciting. She had to get off-line and think about what had happened. She had to come up with a plan to tell Jane what she had done, what she had discovered. Anonymous cybersex: a new wrinkle in relationships.
Should she print out the script of the message and give it to Jane over dessert tonight? Should she simply sign-off and never say a word? Surely Inspiration would tell Les-b-jane about the afternoon visit. Should she fess up to Inspiration that she was not Jane, but Jane's lover? Should she tell her to disappear? Should she rip the guts out of the computer? Should she smash the modem? All this, because the electric bill was due and the computer printed out their checks. Mary was paying a lot more than the electric bill this afternoon.
Suddenly, a melodic bell-tone came across the computer speaker. A third person had entered the chat room under the name of "guest." Mary knew instinctively who the "guest" was...it could only be Les-b-jane.
The words appeared on the screen. "Inspiration, who are you talking with in the chat room?" the guest inquired. Inspiration asked the new member to please leave this private area. The guest revealed her identity: "I am Les-b-jane and I expect that the logged-in Jane is either my lover Mary or a hacker."
Mary's moment of truth had arrived. "Yes, Jane, it is Mary here, but not for the reasons you think." There was a long silence on the screen, no words. Then the dammed-up emotions poured forth. "Mary, leave the chat room and meet me in the instant message screen. Inspiration, please wait here." Two names melted off the top of the screen; only Inspiration remained.
The instant message chime rang and Mary found herself message-to-message with Jane. "Mary, why are you reading my E-mail?" "I wasn't," Mary typed. "I was paying bills and and and...I was curious about the Internet. So I logged on just to look around. While I was there, this instant message came over and I replied to it. I never expected...."
"Mary, it's just cyber-play-electronic masturbation. I don't even know who she is. She's like a robot lover-no face, no hands, no lips, no mouth, no eyes." "Jane, I am so sorry and I am so confused," Mary numbly typed. "Let's talk when I get home, honey," Jane soothed. "It is no big deal, really. And if you don't want me to do this anymore, I won't. But let's talk, OK?"
Yes, Mary and Jane will talk tonight about a new quirk in personal relationships: the Internet connection. I suppose no one ever thought that life would get simpler. With home computers on almost every desk in America and in all offices, new channels of communication were bound to develop. What we do with these new venues is another question.
We have all heard about cyber-divorce, cyber-sex, pornography on-line, sex rooms, etc. And we know that federal and state governments are trying hard to pass laws dealing with censorship on the Internet. But all the laws and all the parental blocks in the universe will not prevent people from experimenting with whatever is new and different. The only problem is that we have no real "rules" about this. Is it OK to cyber-play? Is it any different than reading an erotic novel or watching an X-rated film? Is it like phone-sex? Is it like prostitution? An anonymous phone call? Is it like masturbation? So many questions, no answers yet.
There have already been repercussions from cyber-space. Break-ups, arguments, painful confrontations, even sexual harassment suits filed based upon E-mailed messages. Do we trust our lovers with their computers? Do we learn to extend the boundaries of what is acceptable in our relationships? Would you be angry with her for reading an erotic novel? Or for watching an X-rated film? Is cyber-sex different? The same? How involved are the two humans interacting on the Web? Is that the difference? Two humans, not a human and a book or a human and a film?
Maybe Gay men have more experience in this. Maybe their more frequent use of phone-line sex falls somewhere in-between the erotic book and the E-mail chat room. It's something we will need to think about in this world of AIDS. Is safe sex E-mail sex? Is it an alternative? Is it infidelity? Is it just entertainment?
When Jane gets home tonight, she and Mary will have a lot to talk about. And I wonder how long Inspiration will wait in the private chat room before she leaves? Anybody have a cyber-space crystal ball to look into the future of Lesbian relationships? Do we really want to? The World Wide Web beckons us like explorers. How content will we be "at home" when the universe is laid out at our feet, and how will we negotiate the mysteries of that universe from our desk chairs? And what do those mysteries mean to us on a personal level? Are we holding Pandora's box or the Rosetti Stone in our hands? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Welcome to the new millennium. :-)
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