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by Pam YoungLand Mines And Other
Unexpected Gifts From The EarthAh, spring. It's here. No doubt now. Winter has given up. So our thoughts turn to springtime things, like how to get rid of those winter sit-at-home-and- munch pounds.
We buy new bicycles, roller blades, new walking shoes. With the best of intentions, we plot out the perfect plan to lose those pounds, to get healthy, to be fit. (Well, some of it we intend to do.)
And then, there's always those of us who go one step further--into the land of "supported willpower"--we join a health club.
Get ready for the land mines.
My last experiences with health clubs have been interesting at best, stressful at worse, and not always the solution to my health and fitness needs. But here's the story.
The first club I joined was in suburbia: lots of gimmicks to get me interested; lots of bodies in spandex-heterosexual bodies. Well, I didn't really think I would blend in, but they had a pool and....
I soon discovered that health clubs have "territories" for men and women. One particular club had a walking track that encircled all the various workout areas, so as you made the circuit, you could see everything that was going on.
First: aerobics. Almost always the instructor was a Gay guy: great body, fabulous form. And here he was working the sweat out of all these straight women who adored him. And what was always their first question to him when they were sitting on their step-aerobic equipment waiting for him to take charge of their bodies for 45 minutes? "Which one of these lucky girls is your girlfriend?"
Ah, the glories of the mysterious smile and the sachet across the floor! The aerobics instructor and I took one look at each other and it was instant recognition. Gaydar.
Well, back to the track. The next stop was THE WEIGHT ROOM. All male. No women, except for the occasional spotter. Lots of testosterone. And lots of looks as the walkers went by; sometimes, comments. I always felt like the weight room was a tiger's den. No way was I going to go in there and get eaten alive!
Then came the machines: medieval torture devices consisting of weights and chains, levers and bars. One placed oneself into these contraptions and prayed that the pounds would melt away with the perspiration. This area was always co-ed. But that also meant that it was a big pick-up place...and I don't mean that they were picking up towels!
Well, I lasted there for about 3 months-mostly because of the aerobics instructor. Then I decided that I needed a club that was more "Gay"... at least frequented by more Gay men and Lesbians so that I didn't have to watch the mating rituals of beautiful young heterosexual America three days a week.
So I joined a club that had a large Gay membership and got to watch the mating rituals of fine young Gay men three days a week. But, there was a better comfort level, and I didn't feel out of place. The club was small, though, and I missed the feeling of anonymity one has in a larger facility. I lasted about 3 months.
This year, the call of spring has come again so my partner and I were on the prowl for yet another health club to join. This time we ran into something totally unexpected...a land mine buried deep in the foundations of healthy America...the family membership trial and tribulation.
In the past, I had joined health clubs as an "individual" but this year we felt bold, so we made several phone calls inquiring about family memberships. Of course, the family plan was cheaper than two individual plans...another land mine that often forces Lesbians and Gay men to pay more for the services we want. During some of our calls, we were told that the family plan was for "husband, wife, and two children." OK. There's me, Penny, our dog and our cat. Works for me.
At some clubs, when we inquired about "family rates," we were told that marriage certificates were required as proof of family status. (Apparently single straight America has also been trying to reduce costs as well as body weight.) One club actually said that the family rate did not apply to same-sex couples (did we "sound" Gay over the phone?).
We finally decided to go look at one facility, mainly because it offered all the things we were looking for: aerobics, pool, new equipment, long hours, safe parking- and it was right on our way home. In keeping with our plan to obtain a family rate, we said we were sisters, hoping that would qualify as a family. We had already decided that our sexual orientation was none of anybody's business if it meant we could save big bucks.
When we walked through the door, it was obvious to us that the sister act wasn't going to fool anyone. But low and behold, the first question was "are you twins"? (Ever try to keep a "straight" face when someone asks you that question?) We smiled and said no and the tour began. My partner checked out the equipment and I checked out the members. I was searching for other Lesbian and Gay types sweating on the machines, moving in the aerobics room, swimming laps in the pool.
As the tour continued, we inquired about the family plan. Ah, only married couples were eligible for the family rate, the membership director told us. But, they were offering a special rate through June for individual memberships and it was "almost" as inexpensive as the family plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We knew this would happen.
As things turned out, we decided to join the club because it offered good stuff for our bodies. We had discovered the land mines we knew would be hidden in the forest of health club land, and we had avoided most of them. So things being what they are, we opted for convenience over camaraderie.
Well, there was one little surprise that we had not anticipated. The membership director brought out all the paperwork for us to sign. While I filled out the pertinent information, my eyes scanned the policies and rules of the club. Suddenly, I spotted something that I had not seen in any of the other club contracts that we had examined. It made me pause. It made me wonder. It made me look up at my partner who was looking back at me with the same perplexed expression. She too had reached the part of the contact that held the surprise.
There, in black and white, was the paragraph which stated that this facility did not discriminate on the basis of all the usual things nor did it discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. In fact, it said that three times in other places in the contract. We were both stunned, to say the least. While this club did not offer family memberships to Gay couples, it recognized and acknowledged its Gay and Lesbian membership with this statement in their bylaws. (With this encouragement, as time passes and we become known in this health club, we will lobby for family memberships for Gay and Lesbian couples...of that you can be sure.)
We finished the paperwork and when it was time to pay for our memberships, I took out our credit card that states we are Rubyfruit Jungle. The membership director didn't bat an eye. So we are now members of yet another health club, one that specifically claims to protect us from discrimination. This is no small thing to Gay and Lesbian couples and individuals who are looking for social change and social equality in a culture filled with land mines and other unpleasant booby-traps that catch Gay people unawares.
We'll be sweating and grunting and praying the winter weight comes off so we are more fit. We'll be looking for other Gays and Lesbians who might have also discovered the non-discrimination clause in the membership contract and opted to join on the strength of this acknowledgement. We will be trying to find our niche among the other club members who will have to accept us as a couple because we make no bones about that no matter where we are.
Will we lose those pounds? Who knows. Will we last more than three months? Of course, we plan to. Will sexual orientation change the face of health club etiquette? I doubt it. Sweat is sweat and pain is pain. So we'll just get right in there and sing along: Work your body, work your body.
So whether you are walking this spring or bicycling or lifting weights or swimming or jogging or doing the health club thing, JUST DO IT. Get as healthy and as fit as you can because we need to be agile in our fight against those land mines that pop up in every aspect of our lives.
In fact, in the newspaper yesterday there was a story about Gays not being welcomed in....
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