Acquaintances when I see them: “How are you doing?”
Me (usually) prior to November 5, 2024: “Pretty good, how about you?”
That little bit of small talk is so ubiquitous that I usually don’t give it much thought. But this has been such a terrible year in so many ways that when people ask me the question now, I have to take a second to think about how to answer it honestly. Other people are struggling hard enough without me adding to their burden with a depressing answer to a friendly question. But the unspoken, honest answer is often: “I’m sad, angry, and grieving because of all the terrible things that are unfolding all around us every day.” Almost every bit of news I read these days is absurdly awful.
And yet. I’m seeing good things happening too, and I want to acknowledge some of them. I need to remember what writer and activist Rebecca Solnit wrote: “Remember who we are. Remember that underneath what we’re furious about is what we care about, that our deepest feeling in this moment isn’t necessarily anger, but protectiveness for what we love that may feel like fury. And that love is very, very powerful.”
Here are a few of the things in my life for which I’ve felt gratitude lately. For the sake of brevity, I’m focusing on the New Orleans LGBTQ+ community.
People who are doing positive things for others:
Yesterday, I found out that the New Orleans Pride Center is launching a counseling program for people who don’t have health insurance (or are under-insured). This is just the latest in a long list of amazing things that the Pride Center has accomplished for our community in a relatively short time (their grand opening was in April of last year). They’ve been hosting events for NOAGE (an organization I work for that focuses on LGBTQ+ older adults) like our book club and a monthly intergenerational game night. Other events and services they’ve been hosting include a writers’ group, community meet ups and dinners, youth support services, educational presentations, singles mixers, an LGBTQ+ public health organizing group, a teacher support circle, Q&A sessions with experts, advocates, and activists about ongoing anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, and so much more. The Pride Center is an all-volunteer organization. When you think about how many people are volunteering their time to do so much good for their community, you realize that there really are a lot of incredible people in this town.
Last week at NOAGE’s monthly potluck at St. Anna’s Episcopal Church, my friend Cotter told everyone about a project she’s been working on at St. Anna’s: creating plarn mats out of plastic grocery bags for unhoused people. This isn’t something they’re just throwing together quickly; the bags are woven together, and it takes a group of people working for a long time to make them. They’re very weather-resistant, give an extra layer of protection against the cold, and provide cushion for people sleeping on hard surfaces. (People who regularly have to sleep on hard surfaces are at risk of developing pressure sores.) I’m so proud of Cotter and everyone working with her on that project. And I’m proud to know that she connected with St. Anna’s because of her interest in NOAGE, where she has been such a beautiful presence. And speaking of St. Anna’s – I haven’t been a person of faith in many years now, but I have nothing but appreciation and admiration for everything that church does for this community: free programs for underprivileged children, a food pantry for the hungry, support groups, hosting various groups’ and organizations’ events, and so much more.
People who are preserving our history:
I’ve been involved with the LGBT+ Archives Project of Louisiana for many years now. In that time, I’ve seen the leadership of this organization preserve many collections of historic materials that might have otherwise been lost to memory. We’ve recorded the oral histories of our elders. We’ve hosted a great many community events focused on queer history, and several very well-received conferences. I’ve gotten to know and love the people who write the books that get our history out of the closet. I’ve met a host of people who have given their time and care to help make that happen in all kinds of ways, and I’m grateful to all of them. I’ve had the privilege of spending time at the Faerie Playhouse, the site where so many people helped make queer history here in New Orleans. And I’ve been able to meet countless people from across the country who are doing related work.
People who celebrate:
At a time when so many gay bars have been closing across the country, we’re fortunate that we have so many still operating in New Orleans. Not because of the alcohol – you can get that anywhere here – but because of the people and the way they support the community. They provide a safe space for conversations, connection, and fun. Many of them host fundraisers for various causes.
We’re also lucky for queer celebrations in New Orleans like the Gay Easter Parade, PrideFest, Black Pride, Southern Decadence, and others. Some of the hardest-working people I’ve met in this town are the grand marshals of the Southern Decadence Parade. Some people don’t realize that they volunteer for countless hours hosting fundraisers, not just to pay for the parade, but to support local nonprofit organizations. I appreciate them.
And I appreciate that we know how to have a good time here. We can celebrate together, laugh together, dance together. As Dan Savage recently said: “During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, protested in the afternoon, and danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for.”
When I started writing this, I didn’t think I’d be able to come up with so many examples of gratitude, but now I think that I could write many more pages worth. I’ll save those thoughts for another time. But you know something? I think I’ve cheered myself up a bit. I hope I’ll remember that next time you ask me how I’m doing.
