“I don’t want money. Only people who pay their bills want that.” Oscar Wilde Money is a necessity of life. We worry about it. We dream about it. We invent ways to make more of it. Most people have some. Some people have too much. Too many people need more. According to my accountant, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - if I die within the … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: True Value
The Rockford Files
The Rockford Files: Spend Some Cash On Your Dash
It was a pleasant afternoon in New York. Stephen (a.k.a. Sissy Carter) and I were wrapping up brunch al fresco as the sun was beginning to set. Dusk is the magical time of day that reliably draws Hell’s Kitchen queens out of their cocoons and unswervingly towards Happy Hour, like moths to a flame. It's also the perfect time to people-watch and participate in one of our … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Spend Some Cash On Your Dash
Isn’t It Ironic?
Take it from me, the chances of a fully vaccinated person becoming infected with the COVID-19 virus are extremely low – but not zero. Regular Ambush readers may remember that I detailed my vaccination experience here, in this very column. I blasted at the anti-vax movement, dismissing its supporters with science and touting the benefits of vaccination. I strongly … [Read more...] about Isn’t It Ironic?
Not Throwing Away My Shot!
I am fully vaccinated against the Covid-19 virus. Now what? I had been on the hunt for an available vaccine appointment for some time. Someone suggested I visit the New York Department of Health website. I found the site in less than a minute and, with the blazing speed of experience, I filled out the same questionnaire I’d filled out dozens of times before, and without … [Read more...] about Not Throwing Away My Shot!
Ass Cancer and Me – The Hole Story, Part 2
The result of my biopsy identified pre-cancerous cells, and treatment would be necessary. The cherry on top of this HPV sundae--I also had a fistula in the lining of my rectum. “A what?” I asked, immediately returning his call. In a rather pre-occupied tone, I was told: "A fistula is an abnormal passage that sometimes forms from the anal canal to the skin near the … [Read more...] about Ass Cancer and Me – The Hole Story, Part 2
Ass Cancer and Me – The Hole Story
One morning, not very long ago, I woke up to discover that small growth clusters had begun to appear around the base of my penis and testicular area. I panicked and did what anyone with a medical mystery to solve would do – I ran straight to Google. There is a reason we should never self-diagnose ourselves using Google. Based on my findings, by late afternoon, I was almost … [Read more...] about Ass Cancer and Me – The Hole Story
Weapon of Glass Destruction
(Sometimes) Father knows best. When I was a kid, my grandfather gave me a slingshot for my birthday. It wasn't the usual, ‘Y’-shaped, wooden, piece of crap, slingshot you could pick up at Time Saver. This one was "professional." It was made of aluminum alloy rods and shaped in such a way that the handle extended backward into a wrap-around support bar for the wrist that would … [Read more...] about Weapon of Glass Destruction
Born to Run: The Gay Migration Away from Home
I knew I had to leave. I had to get out. I couldn't explain it, and I didn't tell anyone else. I was only 16; I didn't have a plan. I didn’t know when, or how, but I knew that at some point, an opportunity would present itself, and I would take it – I would leave my hometown and my family behind. I love my family and New Orleans, but as I hit puberty and began to … [Read more...] about Born to Run: The Gay Migration Away from Home
Fire Island 2020: Pines Party Weekend
“Through the Looking Glass” This year, COVID-19 has proven to be a big wet beach blanket tossed over the summer of 2020; as a result, the flames of New York’s scorching Fire Island are little more than embers. In the winter of 2019, I eagerly made my reservations on Fire Island for Pines Party, which was scheduled to be the weekend of July 24-26, 2020. The theme of this … [Read more...] about Fire Island 2020: Pines Party Weekend
Next to Normal
Can we expect life, as we knew it, to resume after the pandemic? I don’t think so. Will things return to the way they were? No. Things will never get back to ‘normal’. The best we can hope for is something next to ‘normal’. But what does that look like? As a nation, we’ve spent the better part of the last four months doing our very best just to get through … [Read more...] about Next to Normal
