Ryan Rockford

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s probably you: a man can use correct grammar and still be hot enough to blow your back out. It's time to bust the myth of the grammar nerd. You know the stereotype: pale, hunched over, wearing Crocs with socks, correcting people's tweets and whispering "could have, not could of" at parties they weren't invited to. It's my Daddy … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Grammar Yahtzee – Why Syntax Is Sexy

A High School is directly across the street from my apartment in Hell's Kitchen. It's allegedly a magnet school for students gifted in the performing arts, although I've yet to see any proof of that. And, judging by their after-school demeanor, I doubt I ever will. What I see, however, is not entirely unlike my High School experience at their age. For most, it's the giddy … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Waiting for Life to Begin

Its' Mardi Gras time, motherf*ckers! The season is upon us, and now that the Super Bowl is out of the way, New Orleans can get down to business. If you've ever visited the Crescent City during Carnival season, you know that is something that natives take very seriously. How seriously? If forced to choose between paying rent on time and affording the perfect Mardi Gras … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Jock-A-Mo-Fee-Na-Ne Why Mardi Gras Is More Important Than The Rent

Two priests and a rabbi are standing around comparing methods used in dividing their congregations’ weekly offerings.  The first priest states: " I draw a circle on the ground, and  I stand in the middle. I  toss the week's offerings into the air, and whatever falls outside the circle is for the heavenly father; whatever falls inside the circle is for … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Two Priests and a Rabbi… Faith, The Final Frontier

For some, it was a House In Vermont, perhaps a House In Vegas. Some Caught the Monkey. Others had the Booty Flu, Butt Pox, or African hickey. For the optimists -- He Intends Victory. In the wake of the AIDS epidemic, there were any number of colorful ways to discreetly reveal who among us was HIV+. Maybe it's a sign of the times, or I'm jaded, or perhaps it's because my … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files – Choose HIV before it Chooses you

I never cared much about homework when I was a kid. There were so many other things I would have rather been doing. I quickly realized that almost anything was fun compared to algebra. As a seventh grader, completing my homework wasn't my strongest suit. There are so few to choose from, but one of my most memorable homework assignments came from Mrs. Green in English class. … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files – It’s Good To Be King

There I was on a recent summer evening, drinking coffee in a crowded Hell's Kitchen cafe in Manhattan. I wasn't texting, tweeting, or scrolling; just drinking coffee - like a psychopath. I was surrounded by a sea of vibrant faces, primarily gay, and illuminated mainly by the glow of their smartphone screens. The irony isn't lost on me - here I am, in New York City, in a … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files – Come Together

Everyone survives New York in their own way.  I don't know if it was by chance, circumstance, or a combination, but I found that my prime productive hours were between midnight and 7am. My days were spent auditioning, working odd jobs, or taking classes, but it wasn't until the sun went down that I began to thrive. And why not? The blistering sun was gone, the streets … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Fraggle Knock

Picture it—a sixth grade science class. The sun shone through large, closed windows, heating up the classroom to a level between bake and broil. We had just finished lunch period, and I could feel the onset of a food coma fast approaching. Science was the last thing on my mind. I took my seat near the window, looked outside, and my imagination took off. I don't remember where … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: Daydream Believer

The beat goes on and on and on. "Gooning" is often reduced to “excessive masturbation.” What does that even mean, anyway,  "Excessive"? The hours spent trolling through Pornhub, scouring pages of sex until you find the “right” scene to release yourself, could be considered excessive masturbation. I mean, how many times have you been late for work because you couldn't … [Read more...] about The Rockford Files: The Goon Boom