I said it. Someone had to. Women can not be Drag Queens and have no place performing or competing as such.
Wait! Ladies, before you get your tuck-less panties in a bunch, understand that I am not a grumpy homo with an ax to grind. Hear me out; my grievance has roots.
The first bee flew into my bonnet when Victoria Stone was allowed to compete in the third season of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK. She was followed by Vienna-based Pandora Nox, who competed and won during the inaugural season of RPDR Germany. Rounding this dick-less trio is Clover Bish, who sashayed on as a contestant in Drag Race España.
Now, my bonnet was buzzing because I feared the female-female-impersonator trend might gain some traction. Still, I kept my opinions to myself, which is very uncharacteristic.
But after seeing Drag, The Musical, I must put my foot down. The musical, which features several former contestants from RPDR, is currently playing at an off-Broadway theater in Midtown Manhattan. The cast list calls for a cis-gender female character who works as a Drag performer in one of the plot’s rival Drag Houses. A cis-gender Drag Queen? Intentionally? That can’t be. I was surprised to learn that the musical’s book was written by RPDR alum and Season Two winner Alaska Thunderstruck, who, of all people, should know that women can not be Drag Queens!
Today’s spirit of “inclusivity” does not entitle every fucking person membership to every fucking club. It just doesn’t.
The same principle applies to men entering, competing, or winning a Drag King contest. It’s absurd.
Although you may not admit it publicly, deep down, you know there is such a thing as being too politically correct. Oh, just me? Okay.
I’m guessing that RPDR hasn’t had a cis-gender woman compete in the American version of the franchise for the same reason that you don’t find men in Lamaze classes – we don’t belong.
The tradition of men dressing as women dates back to ancient theater, particularly in the works of William Shakespeare. The modern conception of Drag, however, originated in the early 20th century and is rooted in the history of male cross-dressing as a form of resistance, commenting on and parodying society’s strict norms.
The Drag persona is therefore intertwined with the cultural experience of gay men, many of whom use Drag to express their identities and critique the heteronormative expectations placed on them. Historically, the drag queen is understood as a distinctly male cultural phenomenon that includes an established set of practices, rituals, and meanings that should be respected.
Drag is specifically associated with the experiences of male queer identity, particularly in the early days of the drag queen scene, which is an impossible perspective for women to have. Drag queens became symbols of resistance and empowerment. Women have not had to face the same kind of societal repression of gender expression that gay men have experienced; they are not challenging the same norms that Drag Queens are. The unique form of Drag performed by men reflects a distinct cultural and political identity tied explicitly to the queer male experience.
Historical references aside, because, let’s face it, the Y and Z generations don’t give a damn about history, cisgender women stepping into the world of Drag is simply unacceptable. Preposterous. Here are six reasons why:
- The XX factor: The art of Drag is built on a secret code that women can’t understand. Drag is an art of illusion, a gender-bend so exaggerated it practically slaps Mother Nature in her face. Drag is a craft – a mysterious, almost alchemical art form where men transform into over-the-top, unapologetically glamorous women. The whole drag aesthetic thrives on the exaggeration of femininity. Cisgender women are already feminine; no duct tape is required. Where is the struggle? The magic? The transformation? Women are born with the final product, and that’s unfair.
It’s like showing up at the dance recital with a trophy and tiara.
- The Look: Drag queens’ special sauce is an inexplicable sense of style, the ability to combine exaggerated glamour with camp, and a wig large enough to look like it has to be fed twice a day. Drag queens are granted a free pass to look like they were dropped from the sky by a glitter bomb. Women trying the same would be met with looks of concern and a family petition for house arrest.
- The Walk: Drag is a heeling profession—stiletto heels, the higher the better. Women have been training to walk in heels since the age of 12. Where’s the drama in seeing them strut across a stage? It’s nothing compared to the suspense, and awe, felt while wondering how a seven-foot linebacker in an evening gown can float across a room in 8-inch pumps and not plant her face into the floor. That’s dedication; that’s mastery.
Despite years of training, most women still wobble like a newborn giraffe or stomp the ground with the grace of a three-legged donkey in anything above 4 inches.
The drag queen heel game is next level. It’s not just about height; it’s about confidence, stability, and the ability to make you feel like you should bow in their presence. Women are just hoping not to fall down.
- The Beat: Women are blessed with the ability to use makeup to highlight their features. In the world of Drag, think less Sephora and more Sherwin Williams. For Drag Queens, makeup is more than accentuating the positive. Drag queens use makeup to contour, reconstruct, and transform themselves into entirely different people. We’re talking arches that have served more people than McDonald’s, cheekbones that could cut glass, and lips so big they could suck a golf ball through nine feet of garden hose.
For most women, makeup is an art that strives to balance beauty with practicality. Women who attempt to reach the same level of Drag intensity look like guests at a Staten Island wedding.
- The Wig: We’ve learned from the Drag Bible that Jesus sits at the Father’s right hand, and a wig sits at his left. The higher the hair, the closer to the divine.
For Drag Queens, the wig is the gig. Drag wigs are beings unto themselves. Some defy logic and the laws of physics, threatening to come alive at any moment and snatch dollar bills from your hands like flies to a frog. And if they aren’t lace-front, stay home.
Ironically, hair is a Drag element that women are not qualified to handle. Although women have been blessed with lots of it, whether long or short, they seem to have trouble managing it daily, struggling with simple issues of questionable bangs or lop-sided ponytails.
- The Shade: No matter how hot it gets in the dressing rooms, there is always plenty of shade. I’m sorry, ladies, but you’re not built for it. Women have a habit of engaging in passive-aggressive side-eyes or intense and lengthy silent treatments. Drag has a rich history of shade, reading, and a tuned instinct for dramatic exits that women don’t possess. A Drag Queen will pivot on a dime and rattle off a monologue of soul-crushing insults that will slice, dice, and wrap you in a metaphor without breaking a sweat. Can you? If you’re not ready to read someone to filth using a well-placed pun, in combination with a cunty hair flip and flawless exit, then what are you even doing there?
This list is far from exhaustive but serves the premise and cold-hearted reality that women can not be drag queens.
Drag queens are from another dimension. They are larger-than-life, unapologetic, theatrical, and entirely divorced from the everyday experiences that make us human. They exist on a level of fabulousness that we mortals can’t comprehend.
In conclusion, Ladies, leave Drag to the pros. As a woman, you’re already feminine and fabulous, and you have society’s blessing and encouragement to be so. Drag is a rebellion, a transformation, and a glitter-gloved middle finger that says “fuck you” to the gender binary. Leave the sequined battlefields to those still fighting for the right to sparkle.
Sit back with the rest of us and enjoy the show. Let these queens do what they do best: make this world a more glittery, sassy, and joy-filled place.
Thank you for reading. Please contact me with your reaction to this piece or suggest topics for future publication.
RyanRockfordnyc@gmail.com
