This is a wake-up call for Trans activists, and it’s coming from inside the house.
Today, many gay men and lesbians find themselves in an uncomfortable position, watching visible friction between segments of the gay community and segments of the Trans activist movement intensify. The tension isn’t born of hatred but of fear that aggressive tactics are undermining decades of progress.
Recently, while waiting in the lobby of my local LGBT clinic, I witnessed a staff member from the Trans community react harshly toward someone over a pronoun misstep. The encounter was both uncomfortable and revealing—the kind of moment that’s difficult to watch and surely even harder to endure. It was an overreaction, and unfortunately, it reflects a pattern of behavior that has surfaced in some corners of the Trans-activism movement.
Someone has to say something, so gather ‘round, chickens. Big Daddy is pulling up.
Before you start warming up your thumbs to send me an ALL-CAPS e-mail, hear me out.
This is not a transphobic rant. It’s not a manifesto. It’s not a call-out. It’s an intervention, delivered with love and from the perspective of someone who has lived long enough to collect a few scars and has seen some shit.
I believe trans lives matter. I believe trans people deserve safety, dignity, healthcare, and joy. Full stop. I also believe that movements can lose their way when led by internet babies who dipped in history class.
Here is something the young ones need to remember: Gay rights were not handed to us. For over fifty years, the gay community has fought for the right to exist openly, safely, and with dignity. Gay rights didn’t come because we yelled the loudest. We yelled, but we also strategized, charmed, waited, compromised, and occasionally swallowed our pride so we could live to fight another day. It was exhausting and took decades, but it worked.
When I watch some trans activists demand immediate, total compliance and understanding from a public that still struggles with the concept of bisexuality, I get nervous. Public acceptance is fragile, and I remember how quickly the pendulum can swing back and how hard it hits when it does.
What a half-century of struggle has taught us is that we need to be accessible to a skeptical public. Let them ask the stupid questions, and answer them kindly, even if it’s killing you inside. Older, seasoned gays, like myself, remember what it was like when it was dangerous to be seen holding hands in public, when the churches sneered, and when our government shrugged as we buried our friends. If we want to be accepted, we need to show humanity. We need to educate a largely ignorant public. Nuance is essential. Persuasion matters, and it takes strategy, not just volume, to get there.
Many in trans activism overlook that change takes time, and humiliation is seldom effective.
Curiosity is natural and should be expected and respected by the trans activism movement. But when every question is framed as an attack, people stop asking and back away slowly – like walking into a bar’s back room for the first time. The difference is that when allies and fellow LGBTQ members are shamed instead of educated, they don’t evolve or want more; they leave. Quietly. Permanently. Shame hardens into resentment. If not corrected, that resentment will absolutely and positively wash away any empathy, interest, or concern they may have had for trans rights. Alienating allies and other LGBTQ family members threatens to burn down the house we all live in.
Those of us who’ve been around a while know that lived experience shapes expectations. We’ve seen this movie before, and the ending isn’t cute. Yes, passion is great, but trust me when I say movements don’t fall for lack of passion; they fall from arrogance.
Okay, the rest of you can keep scrolling, but I want all my trans babies to lean in. Daddy is about to wrap this up and tell you what you need to hear: urgency is not entitlement, and that distinction matters.
No one denies that trans people face real danger. That reality DESERVES urgency, resources, and protection. But urgency does not mean the world owes you instant acceptance, automatic consensus, or unquestioned agreement. You cannot speed-run social change. It takes time and patience.
The gay community’s pushback isn’t about rejecting trans people. It’s about rejecting tactics that feel reckless, rhetoric that feels hostile, and a movement style that forgets how hard it was to get here.
At the end of the day, we are a family. Dysfunctional, at best, but a chosen family, nonetheless. If we want this big, messy, beautiful family to survive, we need to practice what we preach. Inclusion is about making room at the table, not flipping it over and telling the host to fuck off. That means, as a family, we need to start using our inside voice and shift our perspective. Fewer tantrums and more listening. Less shouting and more strategy. For the trans movement kids, it means recognizing when to sit down, be quiet, and listen to your elders.
We rise together or not at all. To all my trans kids, I encourage you to rise up! Revisit gay history and take notes. Daddy will see you at home.
Thanks for reading. If you’d like to comment or suggest topics for future articles, please email me at RyanRockfordNYC@gmail.com.
